Today was Kindergarten registration for Carson and it's really unreal to me that we are already at this place.....as I sat there filling out the mountain of paperwork giving phone numbers, addresses, medical history, etc. and writing the check for over $100 worth of school supplies, class donations, and PTO dues, my mind couldn't help but wander....suddenly I was at St.Vincent's Hospital.....January 27, 2004....delivery room....epidural finally giving me some relief...grammy's on her way....daddy's here....Dr. Edwards is on his way....his heartbeat is strong and steady...contractions are strong and closer together.....my heart is about to beat out of my chest...my heart is overwhelmed....my mind is focused.....my prayers are for Carson's health and mine......could this really be real....could we really have a healthy delivery...will he be ok...will there be any complications....can I really do this?.....then I hear it....the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my lifetime.....I push...he cries....I cry....Glen cries...Dr. Edwards cries.....EVERYONE CRIES...then the LAUGHTER BEGINS.....all of the pain, anguish, grief, devestation, hopelessness, depression, and fear of the last 4 years just fades away.....at that moment I know that all of heaven must be cheering....especially Noah and Lake at the sight of their little brother and the sound of his strong, sturdy lungs.....it was music to my ears and a balm on my heart....God's faithfulness and all of the promises he had whispered to my heart those days and weeks and months after Noah and Lake had died were finally before me in the form of a squirming, yuck covered, screaming, precious little boy....our sweet angel....Carson Lake....all was right in the world and all that I had dreamed of and begged God for had finally come to fruition.....the gratitude in my heart could not be contained.....nor could my love for that sweet baby be uttered in mere words....as I held him in my arms, I felt like I was holding the reason I was born....wow....fast forward 4 years and lots of mistakes and lessons later....that same sweet little boy, now snaggletoothed with thick brown hair, deep brown eyes, and an propensity for independence and stubborness still melts my heart...and I would still lay my life down for him if asked....and he, along with his little brother, is still my heartbeat and my daily hug from God...he is a reminder that I can't do this on my own without Jesus...I need grace....I need strength from above....and I need wisdom that the world is wholly inadequate to give me.....knowledge may come from books and the world...but wisdom comes from God alone......be blessed today...

Glen and I just returned from "A Weekend to Remember" in Atlanta, GA put on by Family Life. We went with our sweet friends Derek and Heather Lee. It was a marriage retreat that provided a chance for us to get away and focus on us...not the kids or the job or the schedule or the demands of others....just us.....Wow...how we needed that....Basically a reminder that we are each perfect gifts to one another from the Father Himself.....that we are not each other's enemy, but each other's other half....to be respected and loved and cherished.....Things you tend to forget about in the crazy race of life....That we are to be each other's #1 priority above EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ELSE except for GOD...Wow....How hard is that!.....We learned so much about ourselves and each other and God reminded us that it is not enough to learn the information..it must be APPLIED TO OUR LIVES.....What an amazing opportunity to get a "tune up" for our relationship....We desire to be all that God wants us to be for one another and for our boys....We went out to dinnner at the SunDial Restaurant above the Westin Hotel....it turns in a 360 degrees in a circle as you dine...you can see the lights of Atlanta at night and I was overwhelmed at the view....as I gazed out at the lights of Atlanta, God reminded me that He alone can see the "big picture" of my life.....I have the view that is limited to the busy street below, surrounded by skyscrapers that block my view and I can only see what is immediately around me....He, however, has the "Sun Dial" view......He can see all the way ahead, beyond the horizon and what is ahead of me does not take Him by surprise.....that is why I must trust Him and His vision.....not my own.....I am praying that He will help me do a better job of that....Be blessed.....

Well....the pollen has taken over our house and poor Chapman is suffering with his allergies....he was up all night last night with stuffy, runny nose and coughing every breath.....He and Carson both ended up in bed with us and about 4 am he finally went to sleep and so did I....then we were up for swimming lessons for the first time since the summer.....I was so proud of Carson when he swam the whole length of the pool by himself with Miss Becky close by....I am so thankful that he has turned out to be a strong swimmer...He was so proud of himself...that little grin I love broke across his face when he saw me give him a "thumbs up" and I started chanting his name across the entire swimming pool like a crazy woman....that's my boy....then there is Chapman.....my timid, cautious one who is still afraid to float on his back....he did the "starfish" today without screaming and having a complete and utter meltdown....he was so proud of himself, constantly looking my way for approval....both of them saying "Look Mommy" about every 5 seconds....it made me think about our relationship with God.....I know we must all do the same thing....always wanting His approval and to "show off" for Him.....He must get as big of a kick out of watching us as we do watching our kids...after all, we ARE his kids.....He is just as proud of us when we reach our goals, make a good decision, choose to turn from sin instead of to it, show the love of Christ to others, etc. .........after he was done, I swooped Carson up in my arms and gave Him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him and the biggest smile was on his face.....that is what I long for from my Father....for Him to scoop me up in His mighty, gentle arms and give me a big hug and tell me "Well Done".....

what about you?......

Be Blessed.....Brenda