Today was Kindergarten registration for Carson and it's really unreal to me that we are already at this place.....as I sat there filling out the mountain of paperwork giving phone numbers, addresses, medical history, etc. and writing the check for over $100 worth of school supplies, class donations, and PTO dues, my mind couldn't help but wander....suddenly I was at St.Vincent's Hospital.....January 27, 2004....delivery room....epidural finally giving me some relief...grammy's on her way....daddy's here....Dr. Edwards is on his way....his heartbeat is strong and steady...contractions are strong and closer together.....my heart is about to beat out of my chest...my heart is overwhelmed....my mind is focused.....my prayers are for Carson's health and mine......could this really be real....could we really have a healthy delivery...will he be ok...will there be any complications....can I really do this?.....then I hear it....the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my lifetime.....I push...he cries....I cry....Glen cries...Dr. Edwards cries.....EVERYONE CRIES...then the LAUGHTER BEGINS.....all of the pain, anguish, grief, devestation, hopelessness, depression, and fear of the last 4 years just fades away.....at that moment I know that all of heaven must be cheering....especially Noah and Lake at the sight of their little brother and the sound of his strong, sturdy lungs.....it was music to my ears and a balm on my heart....God's faithfulness and all of the promises he had whispered to my heart those days and weeks and months after Noah and Lake had died were finally before me in the form of a squirming, yuck covered, screaming, precious little boy....our sweet angel....Carson Lake....all was right in the world and all that I had dreamed of and begged God for had finally come to fruition.....the gratitude in my heart could not be contained.....nor could my love for that sweet baby be uttered in mere words....as I held him in my arms, I felt like I was holding the reason I was born....wow....fast forward 4 years and lots of mistakes and lessons later....that same sweet little boy, now snaggletoothed with thick brown hair, deep brown eyes, and an propensity for independence and stubborness still melts my heart...and I would still lay my life down for him if asked....and he, along with his little brother, is still my heartbeat and my daily hug from God...he is a reminder that I can't do this on my own without Jesus...I need grace....I need strength from above....and I need wisdom that the world is wholly inadequate to give me.....knowledge may come from books and the world...but wisdom comes from God alone......be blessed today...